Honesty is the best policy

I am pissed off. I am hurt. I am mad. I am sad. I am lots of things but the biggest thing is being upset with myself for letting certain things bother me. I have always had some pretty shady friends. It seems like almost all my local friends are only around when they want to tell me some drama, the good things in their life or they need something. It just hits me hard when I realize I have been off from work for almost 8 months and not one has been to my house except on May 2nd for my son's 2nd birthday. Not one. Sad huh? Everyone expects me to drive to them, to drop everything and drag my kids everywhere but not come to my house. The excuse? you live so far away, I am busy, I am bad at it. You name it- I have heard it. Can you tell I am feeling lonely? I ran into someone this weekend I haven't seen in 7 months and she said I looked sad and lonely. Boy if you only knew. So what does this mean? I have let this affect every aspect of my life. I don't run like I used to, I eat food like I am 6-9 months pregnant or it is my last meal and I am just angry. I do have something else going on that I am truly not ready to talk about yet, I will in due time but for now I am trying to process and work through myself. It has to do with one of my kids, nothing life threatening just some things going on that are hard to swallow. As a mom, you only want the best for your kids. I am a true advocate for doing what is best for my kids but it isn't always easy and truly drains me most days. Running has sucked lately. Luckily I am not in training mode yet but I am gearing up for it. If I don't start soon, I will be in terrible shape for the marathon. Which is another reason for eating right, I need to feel good and being actively fit to be able to participate in a 26.2 mile run. Right now, I am sure I would die around a 5k mark. Sad but true. Self doubt. No time to myself and a million ideas running through my head. I literally eat like I will never get to eat again. This is absurd because I know what needs to be done. Hell I am eating things I would normally never eat. Why? I can imagine most of it is stress but I think it is the only comfort I have right now. The only thing that is there 24-7. Sad. My friend Emily proposed a good commitment/challenge- no binging from November 26- December 25. I love this idea. This is roughly 5 weeks of being good and taking care of my body. I need to fuel my body with only good things, not toxic junk. I don't eat sweets, so why would I eat them now to try and cure my sadness? Crazy I tell you...